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For starters, these are turtles, so they use their shells as part of their fighting regimen. This lengthy scene digs in and wisely exploits what differentiates this franchise. Only one sequence involving all the good guys and bad guys sliding down a snowy hill has any panache or creativity. Most of the action in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is completely generic and video-gamey. Shredder’s angle is less clear, but his genuine function is to wield a bouquet of enormous swords and leap about like a button-mashed avatar from SoulCaliber. Sachs’ motivation is that he can then sell an antidote derived from the Turtles’ ooze and make a fortune. There’s Michelangelo, the funny and crass one then there’s Donatello, the tech geek there’s Raphael, the brawny tough guy and Leonardo, the additional turtle with no definitive traits whatsoever.ĭismissive though I may sound, once the gang (slowly) realizes that Sachs and Shredder are going to poison New York, the chase is on – and it does get a bit lively. The project that created the four hardshell heroes was codenamed “Renaissance” so they are named for Italian painters. I say that O’Neil is the star of the first half because when the script finally stops building up its inane and uninteresting mythology, we shift perspective over to the titular turtles. If all this sounds a little grating, trust me, it’s far worse when played out in rote scenes of office bickering and banquet speech exposition. But William Fichtner’s Eric Sachs, the financier from years ago who seems nice (so is clearly the true bad guy) is actually in cahoots with Shredder, the cyborg-samurai who leads the Foot Clan. We’ll learn, through lots and lots of backstory, that those vigilantes are actually genetically enhanced turtles that have been taught ninja skills by a similarly altered rat.īy the nuttiest of coincidences, O’Neil’s late father was the geneticist/herpetologist who created this miracle. She yearns to be more than a pretty face doing fluff pieces, and thinks she may be on to a scoop that involves the nefarious Foot Clan and some mysterious vigilantes foiling their criminal activities.
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Megan Fox’s plucky TV reporter April O’Neil is actually the star of the movie’s first half. Young kids will find the second, more action-heavy half of the film entertaining, but everyone else will want to crawl into their shell.
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I know Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a summer popcorn flick, and product tie-ins are a big part of that game, but this stick in the eye of authenticity is indicative of the movie’s overall laziness. (I just confirmed this on their site locator.) This is a big deal because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who live in Manhattan, are unable to keep a secret when tempted by a cheesy, delicious box of Pizza Hut delivery. Not just because there are so many other terrific pizza options, but because there actually are no Pizza Hut restaurants there. N o one on the island of Manhattan eats Pizza Hut.